Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
