I met the friendliest cop last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
