hell yes lets make some ravioli
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
