dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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