Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize