Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
