Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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