I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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