I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
