Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
