y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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