my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
