I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
