You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
