he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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