Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
