We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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