Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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