I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
