Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
