She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
