Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
