whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
