She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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