Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
