it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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