it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
