You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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