did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He better not be in your backpack
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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