His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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