Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
