Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize