You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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