This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
