This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
