Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
