i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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