How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
