alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
