i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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