it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
