Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
