so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
