So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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