I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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