I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
