This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
we made out on top of his cat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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