when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
