Tell her she can't have a vagina
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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