there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
