My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
