I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
