the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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