Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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