Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
