I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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