so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
