Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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