hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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