I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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