Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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