you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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