i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
